Dæmon is pronounced the same as "demon" but is not demonic. A dæmon to the ancient Greeks was a being somewhere between gods and humans. Neither one nor the other, which sounds frustrating if you're the dæmon. Another definition, the one that concerns me here, is an attendant spirit guide, a form of external spirit that makes itself known as an internal voice and frequently takes on an imagined (or not) material existence as an animal—an individual's dæmon may manifest as a wolf or a raven. The Pythagoreans claimed special knowledge of dæmons, but then they would.
I've been sprawling about some of the writing on dæmons because I'm reading Philip Pullman's excellent Dæmon Voices, a collection of his writing about storytelling. As these things do, my inquiry converged with something unexpected. Seven years ago, Dahlia Lithwick, a writer for Slate, scribbled "Chaos Theory: A Unified Theory of Muppet Types." She examined the universe of Jim Henson's imagination and emerged with Muppet Theory,
...a little-known, poorly understood philosophy that holds that every living human can be classified according to one simple metric: Every one of us is either a Chaos Muppet or an Order Muppet.
Chaos Muppets are out-of-control, emotional, volatile. They tend toward the blue and fuzzy. They make their way through life in a swirling maelstrom of food crumbs, small flaming objects, and the letter C. Cookie Monster, Ernie, Grover, Gonzo, Dr. Bunsen Honeydew and—paradigmatically—Animal, are all Chaos Muppets. Zelda Fitzgerald was a Chaos Muppet. So, I must tell you, is Justice Stephen Breyer.
Order Muppets—and I’m thinking about Bert, Scooter, Sam the Eagle, Kermit the Frog, and the blue guy who is perennially harassed by Grover at restaurants (the Order Muppet Everyman)—tend to be neurotic, highly regimented, averse to surprises and may sport monstrously large eyebrows. They sometimes resent the responsibility of the world weighing on their felt shoulders, but they secretly revel in the knowledge that they keep the show running. Your first grade teacher was probably an Order Muppet. So is Chief Justice John Roberts.
The upshot of my day's musing and textual walkabout is this: I wish my dæmon to be a Chaos Muppet.
If I can't make that happen—and I'm not at all sure how these things work—then I'm founding a punk band just so I can name it the Chaos Muppets.